I joked, “If you were my age, I’d take you on a road trip in my car…” She replied, “Then what are we waiting for?”
I am standing in my driveway with a wrench in my hand when I realize I am about to make a joke that might ruin everything. The sun is barely up. The air smells like dew and engine oil. My van sits in front of me with the side door open, showing off the inside I spent 6 months building with my own hands.
A small wooden bed, a cabinet I sanded until my arms hurt, curtains I stitched myself because I did not trust anyone else to get it right. This van was supposed to be my escape. My quiet plan to disappear for a while. My name is Marcus. I am 28. I have lived in this rental house in northern Vermont for 3 years.
In all that time, I have barely spoken to the woman who lives next door. Her name is Diane. She is 43. I know this because I once overheard her laughing on the phone about needing reading glasses. She has dark blonde hair that usually sits in a low ponytail. She wears simple clothes, jeans, hoodies, jackets that look worn in a comfortable way.
She teaches ceramics at the community college. I know because every Monday morning, she loads boxes of clay into her sedan. She divorced 2 years ago. I know because a moving truck came on a Tuesday and only half the furniture left. I have watched her from my kitchen window more times than I want to admit.
Not in a creepy way, just in the quiet way you notice someone when they feel important, even if you do not know why. This morning, she is standing on her porch holding a ceramic mug with both hands. Steam rises into the cool air. She is watching me work on the van. I wipe my hands on my jeans and walk over my heart doing something stupid in my chest.
“Big trip?” she asks, her voice is low, a little rough from sleep. Yeah, I say, nodding toward the van. Finally finished. I am heading to the coast, maybe down to North Carolina. I have a couple months before my next freelance job starts. She looks the van over slowly. The bike rack, the solar panel, the open door.
That is really something, she says. I should stop there. I should say thanks and walk away. Instead, I hear myself say something I cannot take back. If you were my age, I would take you on a road trip. The words land heavy between us. I instantly regret them. They draw a line. Younger. Older. A reminder of something I never meant to point out.
She does not react right away. She takes a sip of coffee. Then she looks straight at me. What are we waiting for? My brain freezes. My hand is still gripping the wrench. What? You are leaving this morning, right? She asks. Yeah, in about an hour. Then she nods once and turns back toward her house. I will be ready. The door closes softly behind her.
I stand there staring at her porch, my heart pounding so hard it almost hurts. This is not how this was supposed to go. I was supposed to leave alone. That was the plan. Simple. Safe. I go back to the van and pretend to be busy. I tighten bolts that are already tight. I check the oil twice. I stall.
Part of me hopes she does not come back out. Part of me is terrified she will not. 20 minutes later, her door opens. She walks down the steps carrying a canvas duffel bag and a backpack. She is wearing hiking boots and a jacket. Her hair is still tied back. She looks calm. Too calm. Are you sure? I ask when she reaches me. She raises an eyebrow.
Are you? I hesitate. This is the moment I could laugh it off, say it was a joke, let her walk away, but I do not want to. Yeah, I say. I am sure. She hands me her bag. Her fingers brush for less than a second, but my chest tightens like it meant more than that. I load her things into the van.
She climbs into the passenger seat like this is normal, like she belongs there. The engine turns over rough, then settles. I glance at her. She is looking straight ahead, hands folded in her lap. I have coffee, she says. If you want some. She pulls out a red thermos and pours carefully. The coffee is hot and strong. Perfect.
We pull onto the road. For the first hour, we barely talk. The silence is careful, not uncomfortable. like we are both afraid of saying the wrong thing. At a gas station, she buys trail mix and water. On the highway, she offers me some. Our fingers almost touch. Why did you say that about my age? She asks quietly.
I grip the steering wheel. I do not know. I think I was trying to say something without saying it. Like what? That I think about you more than I should. She listens without looking away. I almost did not come, she admits. I stood in my kitchen thinking I was being ridiculous. What changed your mind? I decided I would rather be ridiculous than safe.
Something shifts inside me when she says that. By midday, we are deep into New Hampshire. She leans back, humming softly when I put on music. The road narrows. Trees surround us. I realize I am not scared anymore. By late afternoon, we cross into Maine. We stop at a quiet overlook by a lake. The air is cool. The water is still.
Are you okay with this? She asks, turning to me. More than okay, she smiles. Small and real. We camp that night under the trees. A fire crackles between us. I give her a blanket. Our fingers linger this time. You can sit closer, she says. I do. The stars come out overhead. And for the first time, I think maybe this was never a mistake.
When I wake to the sound of rain the next morning, everything feels different, better. And I know this road trip has already changed, both of us, even if neither of us is ready to say how yet. The rain keeps falling, steady and quiet, like it is trying not to interrupt us. I am sitting in the driver’s seat of the van with a warm cup of coffee in my hands, watching Diane through the fogged windshield.
She is curled slightly toward the window, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, her hair loose now and darker at the ends from the damp air. The campsite looks gray and empty outside, but inside the van, it feels small and safe, like the world has shrunk down to just the two of us. I do not know how to act. Every move feels important.
Every word feels like it could change something. Can I tell you something? She says softly. Of course. She stares into her coffee for a moment before speaking. I do not usually do things like this. I plan. I think things through. I make lists. This was not on any list. I smile a little. It was not on mine either.
She lets out a quiet laugh, then grows serious again. I do not know what happens after this trip. I just knew that if I stayed home, I would keep wondering. And I am tired of wondering. I nod. I understand that more than I want to admit. When the rain finally slows, we pack up the campsite together. The tent is wet and heavy.
Our hands brush more often now, and neither of us pulls away. It feels natural, like we have known each other longer than 2 days. Back on the road, the van hums steadily for a while. Then I hear it, a low rattle, soft at first, easy to ignore if I wanted to. My stomach tightens. You hear that, right? Diane asks. Yeah, I hear it.
The sound grows louder as we drive. I take the next exit and pull into a small gas station with a mechanic shop attached. The van sputters as I park. I talk to the mechanic. He listens, frowns, then gives me the news I was hoping not to hear. The alternator is done. He can fix it, but not until tomorrow.
Tomorrow feels like a heavy word. When I tell Diane, I expect disappointment. maybe frustration. Instead, she just nods. Okay, she says. Then we wait. I blink. You are not upset. She steps closer and touches my arm lightly. Marcus, this is part of it. Things break. Plans change. I let out a breath I did not realize I was holding. We walk into town together.
It is small and quiet with one main street and a bed and breakfast at the end. yellow paint, a porch swing that caks in the wind. Inside, the woman at the desk tells us there is one room left, one bed. I glance at Diane, ready to suggest something else, but she answers before I can. We will take it. The room is simple, clean, a double bed with a white quilt, lace curtains at the window.
It feels strangely intimate, just standing there together. I can sleep on the floor, I say quickly. She looks at me like I just said something silly. We are adults. We can share a bed if that is okay with you. It is more than okay. She showers first. I sit on the bed staring at the carpet, trying not to overthink everything.
When she comes out wearing sweatpants and an oversized sweater, her hair damp and loose, I almost forget how to breathe. My turn in the shower does nothing to calm me down. We go to a diner across the street for dinner. Warm lights, old booths, coffee that never seems to run out. She reaches across the table at one point and covers my hand with hers.
This is perfect, she says quietly. I want to believe her. Back in the room, the silence feels different now. Heavy but not uncomfortable. She asks what I was afraid of when I invited her. I tell her the truth that I was scared she would realize I was not enough. She moves closer close enough that I can feel her warmth. I am not going anywhere, she says.
The kiss happens slowly carefully like we are both afraid of moving too fast but also afraid of stopping. Her lips are soft. She tastes like coffee. When we pull apart, my heart is racing. We sleep side by side, hands finding each other in the dark. In the morning, I wake before her and bring back coffee and muffins.
She smiles like I did something big, even though it feels small and right. We spend the morning walking around town. Bookstores, cafes, cold air, and warm cups between our hands. She tells me she does not want to go home yet. We do not have to, I say. Her smile says everything. When we get the van back that afternoon, it feels like freedom again.
We drive south along the coast. The ocean stretches out beside us, endless and calm. At sunset, we sit in the back of the van, eating bread and cheese, watching the sky change colors. I tell her, “I do not want to do this without her anymore.” She takes my hand and does not let go. That night, we fall asleep with the sound of waves outside and the van rocking gently in the wind.
And somewhere between the ocean and the dark, I realize this is no longer just a trip. It is the start of something neither of us planned, but both of us needed. The next two days pass in a way that feels unreal, like time has decided to slow down just for us. We drive when we feel like it and stop when something catches our attention.
A small beach with no one else around. A roadside stand selling apples and warm cider. A quiet pulloff where the ocean crashes hard against dark rocks. There is no rush. No schedule, just the road and the space between our hands slowly disappearing. In the mornings, we drink coffee wrapped in blankets, watching the sun rise through the van windows.
Diane always wakes up before me. I find her sitting quietly staring out at the water like she is trying to memorize it. When she notices me awake, she smiles like she is glad I am there. We talk about everything. Her classes, my work, the life she had before her marriage ended. The way she forgot who she was somewhere along the way.
I tell her about the years I spent moving from job to job, never staying anywhere long enough to feel rooted. how this van was supposed to be my escape from feeling stuck. Instead, it brought me to her. We kiss in parking lots. We hold hands across the center console. Sometimes we sit in silence, her head on my shoulder, the sound of the road filling the space between us.
There is no pressure to explain what this is. It just is. On the third morning, I wake up to find Diane already dressed, sitting in the passenger seat with the thermos in her hands. The ocean stretches out in front of us, gray and endless. Hey, I say sitting up. Hey, you okay? She nods, but I can tell something is different. Thoughtful. Heavy.
I think we should go home, she says quietly. The words hit harder than I expect. Why? Not forever. Just for now. I have classes starting next week and you have work coming up, right? I nod slowly. Yeah. She reaches back and touches my hand. This is not over, Marcus. I just think we need to see what this looks like in real life.
I know she is right, but it still feels like something precious is slipping away. We pack up in silence and start the drive back north. The road feels longer this time. We stay at another bed and breakfast the first night. There is no hesitation about sharing the bed. She falls asleep with her head on my chest and I lie awake memorizing the weight of her, the rhythm of her breathing.
When we finally pull into my driveway the next afternoon, the sky is heavy with clouds. I turn off the engine and neither of us moves. So she says softly, “What now?” I look at her. “What do you want?” “I want to keep doing this,” she says. “I want to see where it goes.” “Yeah,” I say without hesitation. “Me, too.
” She smiles and kisses me slow and gentle. Then she grabs her bags and steps out of the van. At her door, she turns and waves. I wave back. That night, the van feels empty. The thermos is still on the passenger seat. She forgot it. Or maybe she did not. The next morning, I fill it with fresh coffee and walk across the lawn. She answers the door with damp hair and sleepy eyes.
“You forgot this,” I say, holding it out. She smiles. I did not forget it. I left it on purpose. Why? Because I knew you would bring it back. She steps aside and I follow her into her warm, bright kitchen filled with pottery and soft light. We sit at her table, knees touching, coffee between us. So she says, “Where do we go from here?” I look at her and realize the answer has been there all along.
Anywhere you want. She smiles and for the first time, the future does not feel scary at all. We sit at her kitchen table longer than we need to. The coffee slowly cools between us, but neither of us moves to refill it. Diane’s hand is still resting over mine, her thumb brushing my knuckles in a way that feels absent-minded, like her body already knows this is where it belongs.
Outside, the morning is quiet. No cars, no voices, just the sound of a breeze moving through the trees between our houses. I have not felt this calm in a long time. So she says again, softer now. We are really doing this. Yeah, I say we are. She exhales like she has been holding her breath without realizing it. Good.
Because I do not think I could pretend this did not happen. Neither could I. She stands and takes my mug, rinsing it in the sink. I watch her move around the kitchen, barefoot on the tile, completely comfortable. It feels strange and perfect at the same time. Like something that should have taken years happened in a few days.
I should unpack today, she says. I have not even opened my bags yet. I smile. You disappeared for almost a week. I figured you might need recovery time. She laughs and nudges my shoulder. You are not wrong. When I stand to leave, she walks me to the door. We hesitate there, neither of us wanting to say goodbye, even though we live 10 steps apart. Come over later, she says.
For dinner, I nod. Yeah, I will. The rest of the day passes slowly. I unpack the van, wipe down the counters, put tools back where they belong. Everything looks the same, but it feels different. Like the house knows something has changed. That evening, I walk back over with a bottle of wine and bread from the store.
She answers the door wearing jeans and a soft sweater, her hair down around her shoulders. Hi, she says. Hi. Dinner is simple. Soup and salad. We sit close at her small table, our knees touching. We talk about nothing important. movies she loves, places I have not been yet, things we might want to do.
Later, we move to the couch. She curls into my side without asking. Her head fits under my chin like it was designed for it. Marcus, she says quietly. Can I be honest? Always. I am scared, she admits. Not of you. Just of how fast this feels. I nod. Me too. But I think slow does not always mean careful.
Sometimes it just means waiting too long. She looks up at me, searching my face. Then she smiles. I am glad you said that. We kiss then. Easy and familiar now. No rush. No doubt. As the weeks pass, we settle into something real. Morning coffee together. Walks after dinner. Nights split between my place and hers.
There are moments when the age difference shows up. Different memories, different timelines, but it never feels like a wall, just texture. One night, we sit on her porch watching the sun go down. She leans her head on my shoulder. You know, she says, “If you had not made that stupid joke, none of this would have happened.
” I laugh softly. “Worst joke of my life. Best one,” she corrects. I think about the van, the trip I planned to take alone, the road I thought I needed, and I realize I did not need distance, I needed courage. She turns to me, her eyes warm and steady. Marcus, she says, “What are we waiting for?” I smile and lean in, kissing her as the light fades.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
